wonderbunder: October 2005

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ramesh mahadevan

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Beware!

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Light Bulb

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does ittake to change a light bulb?A: 1,3311 to change the light bulb and to post on the mailinglist that the light bulb has been changed.14 to share similar experiences of changing lightbulbs and how the light bulb could have been changeddifferently.7 to caution about the dangers of changing lightbulbs.27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts aboutchanging light bulbs.53 to flame the spell checkers.156 to write to the list administrator complainingabout the light bulb discussion and itsinappropriateness to this mail list.41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.109 to post that this list is not about light bulbsand to please take this email exchange toalt.lite.bulb203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing lightbulbs be stopped.111 to defend the posting to this list saying that weall use light bulbs and therefore the posts arerelevant to this mail list.306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs issuperior, where to buy the best light bulbs, whatbrand of light bulbs work best for this technique, andwhat brands are faulty.27 to post URLs where one can see examples ofdifferent light bulbs14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, andto post corrected URLs.3 to post about links they found from the URLs thatarerelevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevantto this list.33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote themincluding all headers and footers, and then add "MeToo."12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribingbecause they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion wasmeant for, leave it here.143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

Twenty New Management Styles

MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THEN THE EMPLOYEES
These kinds of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.
MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW
These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out of the windows.
MANAGING BY POST-IT'S
Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busyness by continuously writing on Post-it's while you are talking.
MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY
These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If she is good, she knows what she must do.
MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING
These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases.
MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING
These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about.
MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION
Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of stimulants from category 5!
MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS
These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they got more work to do.
MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS
In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.
MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS
If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.
MANAGING BY STUDYING
Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from the practice.
MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS
Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows, boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.
MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM
This is a major improvement of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.
MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS
This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.
MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE
In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure.
BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS )
This management style is ATRASACWOC. (Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication)
MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS
These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.
MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION
If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize.
MANAGING BY BELIEVING
These managers must be spiritual educated, because they have no clues at all.
MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES
If you remind them to one of their promises, the priority of that promise is to low to remember.

blogs

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culled from junkmail

I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be inferior.
What worries you masters you.
Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
The only person worth envying is he person who doesn't envy.
Religions change; beer and wine remain.
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others.
Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
Bore: a man who is never unintentionally rude.
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
A single fact can spoil a good argument.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true.
Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U.S. senators.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people we personally dislike.
MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
I'm tough, ambitious and I know exactly what I want.
Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
God is love, but get it in writing.
To some lawyers all facts are created equal.
A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.
Those who trust to chance must abide by the results of chance.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-----
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The speed of the boss is the speed of the team.
Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
Men are punished by their sins, not for them.
Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad.
Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.
The secret of success is this: there is no secret of success.
God help those who do not help themselves.
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
The time has come for all good men to rise above principle.
Popularity is the one insult I have never suffered.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
He who feels no compassion will become insane.
Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair.
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.
Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
The imbecility of men is always inviting the impudence of power.
Most religions do not make men better, only warier.
We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.
To refrain from imitation is the best revenge.
VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Toil to make yourself remarkable by some talent or other.
The only atheism is the denial of truth.
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.
Mediocrity is not allowed to poets, either by the gods or man.
I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.
Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.
Phonograph, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
I will study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come.
ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly.
Know the masculine, keep to the feminine.
Television has raised writing to a new low.
Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others.
Be gentle with the young.
Good company and good discourse are the very sinews of virtue.
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
Keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular.
My work is done, why wait?
Words can be like baseball bats when used maliciously.
In time we hate that which we often fear.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies.
The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce.
Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
I can't read ten pages of Steinbeck without throwing up.